Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
