ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
