he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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