I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
