Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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