so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
