then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
