When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
