i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
