I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
