I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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