it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Randomize
