frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
