his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
