the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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