what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
