it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
