Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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