morning after pill = breakfast in bed
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
