peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Randomize
