need another drink. this is the easiest way
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
