$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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