Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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