Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
