I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
