Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
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