The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
please come you make the beer taste better
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
