so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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