He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize
