I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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