This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Randomize
