I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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