I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
