I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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