How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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