last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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