i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
