i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
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