I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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