Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
