i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
