Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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