Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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