Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
