You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
