Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Couch. On fire.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
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