We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Randomize
