You don't have asthma, your pregnant
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
