Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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