I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
