my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
