I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
pray to the hookup gods
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Randomize
