I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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