Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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